The Myth of Normal 126

Dolman’s subsequent two births were her redemption, the reclaiming of full agency. Under the care of a midwife, she succeeded in a joyful vaginal birth at the completion of her third pregnancy. Though she described it as “very, very painful,” she counts it among “the most amazing and exhilarating experiences” of her life. As is the case for so many women, Dolman’s license to make her own choices was key to getting to the other side of the suffering. “No matter how painful it got, I had support and I was in control of my own body. That was very empowering to me no matter what came my way—being in charge of my own body was what it came down to.” Ten years later, the telling of it still brought tears to her eyes. “Tears of joy,” she quickly assured me. “My daughter asks me all the time: ‘Tell me the story about how I was born.’ She finds it hilarious that while I had the skin-to-skin contact with her, she pooped all over me, and she laughs every time I tell the story. That in itself was a bonding experience, just even sharing that with her. It’s part of life.” In 2011 Dolman brought forth another child, a healthy nine-pound, three-ounce boy. That birth, too, was vaginal, also in hospital under the care of a midwife, five years after she had been sternly admonished by ten boardcertified obstetricians not to attempt such a delivery. The triumphs don’t all look the same, nor should they. “I know from my medical experience that you don’t want to hold too fast to anything,” said Danielle, a resident in anesthesiology. “Still, I had beliefs and ideas about how I saw things going . . . I intended originally to have a home birth in water, at a cottage here that we had rented in the forest.” It didn’t turn out that way. After prolonged labor with little progress at home, the midwife recommended hospitalization and an epidural to allow Danielle some relaxation. The birth hormone oxytocin was given to promote progress, to no avail. After thirty-six hours of intense labor, Danielle accepted the necessity of surgical delivery. To this day, she is elated about her experience. Although Danielle’s process took a different form than Sherri’s, the two births resembled each other in one core aspect: the mother felt herself to be in charge. “I was listened to. Everyone made time to hear what I was concerned about. Even the assistant to the surgeon came in to see me, a woman in